Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
My apologies for not being around for a while, quite a while in fact. A lot has been happening in my life, not all good but thankfully I can say in the main I’m ok.
The good stuff: my Niece Natasha married her man Shane just over a week ago. It was a lovely wedding, out in the open, overlooking a lake, plenty of Wildlife; a few drops of rain had a few of us scurrying for our umbrellas, fortunately not really needed. So many photographs: well over 2000 by the Professional photographer, Peter, a friend of my late Husband, his shots were truly lovely as I was able to sneak preview later in the evening on his laptop.
I am so looking forward to seeing the ones of Steven and I, he asked Steve to crouch down so that I looked so much taller than he did – it made us both laugh! It has been a very long time since I was taller than my Son – about 25 years in fact :)!
My eyes did leak during the evening when I read a little poem for the bride and groom I had written for them. I of course mentioned my Husband, as he was not by my side he was greatly missed on this special day. When I had finished reading there were other eyes leaking too – must have been the air-conditioning.
Of course another wedding in November when Steve marries his/our lovely Rachael, David will be sadly missed on this very special occasion too, perhaps in a deeper way as his Son will be married on the beach near his home. He and David spent so many happy hours on the water, fishing, talking about whatever it was men talk about. I know it will be an emotional day, but at this time of writing I have no idea how deeply we will all be affected by David’s absence.
My aim though is to try very hard to make the day as pleasant and uplifting as possible. Our Son is marrying the woman he loves and she loves him so there is plenty to be happy about.
I am off to Sydney in a couple of weeks just for a change of scenery; I’m being taken around the City by an old friend from school in UK – that was a very long time ago.
I’ll probably have something to say upon my return.
Bye for now Blog no promises but I will try not to stay away so long before the next post.
Vonnie:)

I'm back! :)

I’m surprised to see the date of my latest posting – April this year; how time does fly !

A lot has happened since April – My Son and soon to be daughter in law (officially) will be married in November. My Niece Natasha will be marrying her man in September – exciting times ahead for these dear younger people. Fingers crossed my sister will be travelling to Australia for my son’s wedding – still not sure yet – depending on lots of things mainly the health of her husband – we shall see.

My part-time job seems to be expanding before my eyes and now I’m there 4 full days a week – not quite sure how this happened but for as  long as I enjoy the work and feel that I’m doing something useful for the Community then I shall stay.

I begin studies in Community Service very soon and now I have a a large area for a new program ‘all to myself’.This entails producing ideas (and actually asking people what they think they might like to do) then putting ideas into practice to encourage senior citizens out of their homes and into the community centres in their own community – big ask I think – however I’m not daunted and I’ll see it through.

Each Friday morning I spend time with the most diverse group of older people – each one I have come to respect and admire for their patience, fortitude and dogged determination to remain as active as possible. Two of these people are wheelchair-bound and I am constantly reminded that though my own life has struggles and days of loneliness and a ‘woe-is-me’ attitude I’m so fortunate in comparison.

June 2010

Anyway enough from me for today -   good health to all :)   Von

New Beginnings

I've been offered a part-time job! I didn't have to search for it, be interviewed, become stressed over any rejections, nothing of the sort.How lucky am I?

I've been working in a volunteer position for a few weeks and I have enjoyed it very much so to be offered a paid position doing something I love is a bonus I never expected.

This truly is a sample of my New beginning! 

Been a While.

Nearly one whole year since David's passing - hard to believe you may think - for me not really. I count each day and possibly will continue to do so for some time to come.

I'm trying to get some order and structure into my life now. I'm working 2 mornings a week; volunteer work, both admin and 'hands on' with the Aged and have to admit I enjoy it. 


I've been to the Theatre a few times lately too, I find this very invigorating and although I love to laugh not all of my future program is comedy.


I planned to go away alone for a few days but lost my nerve and have cancelled for now - hoping I won't feel this way if I do plan to go somewhere else. Only time will tell.

I've had health issues which were a worry at the time but since been resolved -thankfully, makes me more aware of having to care for myself better than I have been doing.

I've also taken on the job of Treasurer for the Social group I belong too, something else to keep my brain on the go :))

A few things in the fire for the near future which keep my interest alight but not saying anything just yet.

Good Health!

Von

2010!

2010!

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
-- C.S. Lewis

This year I would like to be kinder than its predecessors 2008/2009.

The death of my Husband after a terrible illness in March 2009 was an experience that has changed my life and my expectations for my future for evermore.
No more can I plan for ‘us’ – now it’s just ‘me’. 9 months on now since the saddest day of my life, 6th March took my David away from me. I’ve had to make adjustments, some good, some not so good and difficult to carry out but I’ve tried to be strong and to do what is right for me.
My loving family and close friends continue to watch over me and they too try to do their very best for me. I’m very fortunate that I have so many people in my life who do care what happens to me and how I live my life.
Not being a part of a couple is so very difficult for me still and will continue to be so I’m sure; however I feel stronger as the events that have changed my life have also changed me.
I now make my own decisions; I have to as I have no one here to defer to.
I try to move forward as a widow; no longer a wife BUT I’m still a Mother and my son gives me many reasons to be proud of him and the way he and his/our Rachael lead their lives. I know his Dad would be very proud of him too.

Perhaps, they are not stars in the sky, but rather
openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
-- Inuit Legend

I'm Gone now, but I'm still very near.
Death can never separate us.
Each time you feel a gentle breeze,
It's my hand caressing your face.
Each time the wind blows,
It carries my voice whispering your name.
When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,
Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place.
When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,
It's me placing soft kisses.
At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.
I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight.
For never forget you're the apple of my eye.
-- Mary M. Green

Goodbye & Good Riddance 2009

Goodbye 2009 - I'm glad you're finally finished. It was quite a battle there between you and I for a while.

You have pushed, pulled and nearly torn me apart, sometimes you nearly succeeded but I'm so glad to see you gone.
I can only hope your successor 2010 is a lot kinder to my family and 1 than you were.

Goodbye and Good Riddance!

How do I describe a ‘vacant’ feeling?

I move, I speak, I interact with others but there is a huge part of me sitting in reserve, untapped and dormant.

I have today, celebrated Christmas, my first without my Husband by my side.

Looking back on the day I seem to have been operating on remote control as I don’t remember a lot of what has gone on before this moment.  Home alone now I can think clearer and feel so glad that ‘Christmas’ is over for this year and I can now prepare myself to deal  with  a whole new set of challenges and anniversaries.

I haven’t been ‘excited’ about Christmas for many years, since my son was little, remembering well those halcyon days when Santa was a real person  and the 3 of us enjoyed Christmas morning so much – they were a pure joy. - Not so now with a huge void in my life.

I hope that one day I will feel more at ease with my current lifestyle – It’s a goal I have to work toward – I have a long way to go.

New Wheels

My New Wheels - not yet one week old and I'm enjoying the experience of a brand new car. This car signifies so much to me but I'll go into detail at a later date. I'm off for a drive :)

The Strength of the Human Spirit

This beautiful little creature, a Kingfisher called into a friends camping site at Wollondilly River Station last weekend to perhaps rest and decide what to do next whilst he was searching for food.  He sat on this branch for quite some time which gave my friend plenty of time to reach for his camera, get a few shots and as a bonus inadvertently gave my friend time to relax and to ponder his life right now.

We all have times don’t we when we feel the world is against us and that our obstacles are so immense we will never see over or around them.

How beneficial that this beautiful creature chose that branch and that particular time on which to alight almost forcing my friend to concentrate on him and nothing else for a few moments.

The strength of our spirits, when, seemingly at their lowest always seems to find a way to lighten our load, even for a few minutes by losing ourselves in the sight and wonder of nature.

This little Kingfisher is testament to that.

Eternity's Sunrise

To have the gift of being alive and knowing it, seems
such an astonishment, that it would be churlish to spend
one's time being miserable because one knows it's got to end sometime.

From: Eternity's Sunrise by Marion Milner

if suddenly you do no exist.....

If suddenly you do not exist, if suddenly you no longer live, I shall live on. ........... No, forgive me. If you no longer live, if you, beloved, my love, if you have died, all the leaves will fall in my breast, it will rain on my soul night and day, the snow will burn my heart, I shall walk with frost and fire and death and snow, my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall stay alive, because above all things you wanted me indomitable, and, my love, because you know that I am not  only a man but all mankind. From: 'The Dead Woman' by Pablo Neruda

From: Fare Well

Look thy last on all things lovely,
Every hour. Let no night
Seal thy sense in deathly slumber
Till to delight
Thou have paid thy utmost blessing;
Since that all things thou wouldst praise
Beauty took from those who loved them
In other days. 

Walter de la Mare

From: So many Different Lengths of Time

So, how long does a man live, finally?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret, and ask so many questions -
Then when it comes to us
The answer is so simple after all.

A man lives as long as we carry him inside us,
For as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
For as long as we ourselves live,
Holding memories in common, a man lives.

Brian Patten

Quentin Crisp

Neither look forward where there is doubt, nor
backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask
yourself not if there is anything out in the world that
you want and had better grab quickly before nighfall,
but whether there is anything inside you that you have
not yet unpacked.

From: Resident Alien:Quentin Crisp Explains it All. by Tim Fountain

'quote'

If you are alive you've got to flap your arms and legs,
you've got to jump around a lot. For life is the very
opposite of death and you must, at the very least, think
noisy and colorfully or you are not alive.

Mel Brooks

If I should go before the rest of you

If I should go before the rest of you,
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice,
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must.
Parting is hell,
But life goes on,
So sing as well.

Joyce Grenfell

Piscatorial Pleasures

I have been given a special gift.

This gift is from Steven and Rachael. It now takes pride of place underneath my Pergola area and I welcomed it with open arms. To have ‘fish’ here at home feels so right. My Husband had a love affair with fish from about 5 years of age, as did our son. Their main interest was catching then with a view to eating – but not always.
My little piscatorial pals greeted me this morning with such zest they nearly threw themselves over the top – pleased to see me – well it would have been lovely if they had but of course they were hungry and just looking for their breakfast but I can handle that :)

Myself

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done .
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show .
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

Edgar Albert Guest (1881-1959)

Leo F Buscaglia

The easiest thing in the world to be is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.

~~~~~

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

1. I am guilty of this very situation. I have allowed others to lay this pressure on me to my detriment, to my lifestyle, my personality and my well being. Changes are afoot!

2. Having been on the receiving end of all of these 'small acts of caring' I can truly attest to the fact that this man is so right. I truly hope that I have been able to help others in this way too.

The Tears Expressive

Death crossed his threshold yesterday And left the glad voice of his loved one dumb. To him the living now will come And cross his threshold in the self-same way To clasp his hand and vainly try to say Words that shall soothe the heart that's stricken numb. And I shall be among them in that place So still and silent, where she used to sing— The glad, sweet spirit that has taken wing— Where shone the radiance of her lovely face, And where she met him oft with fond embrace, I shall step in to share his sorrowing. Beside the staircase that has known her hand And in the hall her presence made complete, The home her life endowed with memories sweet Where everything has heard her sweet command And seems to wear her beauty, I shall stand Wondering just how to greet him when we meet. I dread the very silence of the place, I dread our meeting and the time to speak— Speech seems so vain when sorrow's at the peak! Yet though my words lack soothing power or grace, Perhaps he'll catch their meaning in my face And read the tears which glisten on my cheek. Edgar Albert Guest 1881 - 1959 Written (1920)